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The boy who destroyed the world...

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I'm so sorry. If you could forgive me, I'd like to rest with you someday... [Apr. 29th, 2011|09:42 am]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[mood |broken]
[music |Adema - Speculum]

There's so many people dying
You complain about your situation
What about me?
Half the world wouldn't know
What it's like to lose your seed
Maybe you can understand

(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me

The guilt has lasted years, still cry
It was all planned out
Why was I last to know?
Don't you trust in me?
The table's cold, it's too late
To make up for these mistakes
Maybe you can't understand

(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday

(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday
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...When i lose track of time, the world is mine... [May. 2nd, 2010|12:11 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |K Flay - 5AM]

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines
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...I think a part of you still loves me, Even though we're moving on... [Mar. 1st, 2010|11:09 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Always All Ways]

I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry,
But it always comes out wrong,
I think a part of you still loves me,
Even though we're moving on.

Always, all ways I wanted us to be,
Always, all ways you and me,
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me,

Always all ways...

And I'm sorry for what happened,
But I want you there to see,
That I'm changing all my actions,
I don't wanna set you free.

Always, all ways I want to see you through
Always, all ways me and you
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me.

'Cause I'm waiting for you,
Yeah, I'm waiting for you,
Give me answers, get me through,
I will wait...

Always, all ways I wanted us to be,
Always, all ways you and me,
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me.

'Cause I'm waiting for you,
And I'll wait here for you,
Give me answers, give me through,
I will wait...

Always, all ways

x
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...Going around the White Ponies fur my friend... [Feb. 26th, 2010|11:41 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |Around the Fur]
[mood |drunkdrunk]
[music |White Pony]

As I get gradually older, I get gradually more regretful. I regret things I've done, things I haven't done. I regret moments I got wrong, and sometimes moments I got right because I didn't make the most of them. I regret relationships I've got wrong because more often than not I could have contributed more and maybe, just maybe, other times I could have contributed less for less eventual pain at the end of it all.
Having now lived with quite a few people, upwards of 15 last time I checked - by lived with I mean genuinely shared a house/flat with for a reasonable period of time - I realise that in most cases people love to surround themselves with photographs. ok, mainly women but some dudes too. photographs of family and friends. Old friends, new friends and then years down the line friends they are yet to meet. Friends to remind them of the good times.
I've never been a photo person. I have a very good imagination and that usually couples with a good memory; I don't need photos to remind me because I can hold individual moments in time within my mind. I don't think it's a photographic memory per se, with me there's more an emotional connection e.g. I remember what song was playing etc.
I believe that I feel music more than the average person. Its hard to explain, few understand it. but I can associate music with moments in time and specific feelings. If I have a bad day, I can listen to certain songs and remember good times - vice versa bad times. e.g. just a day - Feeder. Or, the daddy of them all,Ode to Summer by Lostprophets. So, I don't need photo albums because I remember moments in time and that connection is so much better than looking at a faded photograph.
Al - I remember the connection we have with music, it's irreplacable and it's the over-bearing factor in my life. Think P Roach, think Alexis, think ALL OF THOSE TIMES WE HAVE ROCKED OUT motherfucker - ODE TO SUMMER. Pat - I think THE NIGHT. at least 15 pints (yes probably more!!) when I weigh 61kg is deadly and yes I was absolutely fucked but I remember so much of that night and it was one of the best nights of my life. I think all the stupid nights we have and the stupid conversation but it's so much better than a shitty picture of the two of us could ever show.
you know the one. Where you are posing for a picture of say two of you. It's fake because you are posing, it's not a reflection of the night because you have stopped for the purpose. yes the night might carry on but you have stopped for the photo.
But, I remember MOMENTS and how they FELT.
It's hard to explain but I know what I mean.
Sometimes I wish I had more pictures from the last few years, I do. Because they are nice to look at.
But in terms of a connection, I only need my memory and my soul.
Always All ways and forever.

'Mis heridas me recuerdan que el pasado es real
Mi corazon esta abierto para poder sentir.'

x
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.In the brightest hour of my darkest day I realised what is wrong with me. [Feb. 19th, 2010|07:31 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |The new batcave]
[mood |coldcold]
[music |Nights of Love - Proach]

In the brightest hour
Of my darkest day
I realized
What is wrong with me

Can't get over you
Can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter, romance from the start

Take these memories
That are haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds
By his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her...
He'll never forgive her...

Because days
Come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever

Sitting by a fire
On a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl...
Little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of her life

You're my heroin(e)-
In this moment I'm lonely
fullfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs, all these women
I'm never forgiving...
this broken heart of mine

Because days
Come and go!
But my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever


One last kiss...
Before I go...
Dry your tears...
It is time to let you go...

One Last Kiss.

x
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...I've seen enough to know that beautiful things don't always stay that way... [Oct. 4th, 2009|09:02 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |Batcave]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |'Scars' - Papa Roach]

'Mis heridas me recuerdan que el pasado es real
Mi corazon esta abierto para poder sentir.'
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...We weren't meant to be, we just happened... [Jul. 17th, 2009|07:54 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |The Start]
[mood |peacefulpeaceful]
[music |'Mexico' - Incubus]

Well that was the right thing to do. It doesn't feel like it was but I know deep down that it was. Not just for me, for both of us. That doesn't make it any easier. It is time to change things, I started, got interrupted but I guess that I can just start all over again.
I do know though, that many things, places, people, memories, bind us together. They will forever bind us together; you will always have a part of me and I will always have a part of you.
Here's to the future. May it be better than much of the past.

x
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...These memories take me away, to a better place than I am today... [Jul. 15th, 2009|08:55 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |In the Belljar]
[music |MCR - Vampires will never hurt you]

Note to whoever you are,

I give up. I mean it. I give up. What more do you want from me? Can you let me know when you have finished and then maybe I can start again?

Please.
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...paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors... [Jul. 14th, 2009|09:55 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |batcave]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Roach, Paramour sesh]

...Somebody falls in love, somebody breaks a heart...
...we never fell in love, we only fell apart...
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'You should have known the rain was coming...' [Jul. 7th, 2009|08:46 pm]
The boy who destroyed the world...
[Current Location |Batcave]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |'The Tempest' - Pendulum]

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head at the moment and when it comes to recording them here my mind suddenly goes blank. All I know is that at some point things have to change but I am genuinely scared for when they do. It's so easy to sink into the grind, the routine, the ease of normal working life but it hides the truth; that day by day we get older and the opportunities to make ourselves, to have the Hollywood moments, to live - they fall away gradually.

I am so confused, more confused than I have ever been before and I am not sure how to bring the confusion to an end.

x
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